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Friday, January 19, 2007
alive at 1/19/2007 06:28:00 pm

Erm just came back from training and coach cfmed im going t2 with juniie ^^ i smell a medal. And erm mr tung is going extremely fast, faster than all the other classes, i'm scared =/
But the test i got 18.5/25 for? only 3 other ppl and 4 ppl in ashwin's class passed. WOOTS. Now very tired, but still have to go out to celebrate my grandmother's 67th birthday.( Its a guess =x)
And oh yes i've yet to get cao ge's album, think i'll get it on saturday lala. Not burning until i've had enough of the disc x))
TOO BAD.

yes , i am a fool .
there's a reason why i always call myself jiajing baka .
everyone's been telling me not to wait .
not to hope for something that'll never happen .

yes , maybe its true .
why wait for something that isn't gonna come back .
why wait ,
when the feeling she has is long gone .
when all i can sense is the irritance and the ignorance .
where did all the feelings go ,
i don't know .

i guess its obvious enough .
now , i mean nothing to you .
you can't be bothered about me .
and i wonder whether ,
you'd even spare some time to pass by my blog .
i guess not .

sleepless days and nights ,
trying to piece the puzzles together .
trying to find out how you felt ,
since you wouldn't tell me yourself .

and i guess i've finally understood .
i don't need an explanation anymore .
your actions are enough to show me .
you wouldn't even try to prove me wrong ,
what else can i say ?

it hurts ,
trying to force yourself into a state of denial ,
yet realizing you can't do it ,
that your heart is in pain ,
struggling to hold on to what's left .
the memories , the smiles .

wanting it all to come back ,
finally realizing everything was really just a dream .
but no matter how hard you try ,
you realize you can't get back again .

suddenly so afraid of being lonely .
in the middle of the night ,
when everyone is soundly asleep ,
and all that's left is my own shadow ,
the thoughts in my mind trigger the scars to bleed .

sometimes i wish to sleep and never wake up .
but i remember what i promised .
and sometimes i wish to continue on .
but reality just pains too much to be accepted .

until this very moment .
i've never blamed you .
to you it might have just been a fantasy ,
something that you would be able to end anytime .

i wish upon the stars .
that one day you'd wake up .

and to you.
i know you've been waiting for me .
maybe for months ?
and you've never failed to lend me a shoulder when i needed one .
maybe your way might be crude ,
but i appreciate the thought .

dont treat me so nice le .
it isn't worth it .
i'm just like what you call me ;
an asshole .
i'm not worth for you to wait ,
i'm not worth for you to care for .

don't waste your time le ,
my heart is with someone else .
and most probably it'll never change .
you're really a nice girl .
i hope you'll find someone much better than me .
someone who'll truly appreciate you .
and it won't be me.

take care.